Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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