How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
