Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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