I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
farters have to be the big spoon...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
