so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
