So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
