I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
