if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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