I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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