yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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