The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
