walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
