Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The power of my boobs compel you
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
