apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
