Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
