he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
