Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
