My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
