You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is Oprah even human
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
