peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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