I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
