not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
