Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
