We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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