I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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