shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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