I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize