i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
