my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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