grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
