Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
