4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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