God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
