I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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