Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
