How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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