oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
