Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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