so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
