My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
