dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
