hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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