He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
