girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
