hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
