"it" just moved
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize