you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
