Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
