You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
