Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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