I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
