summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
