i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
