Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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