I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
