I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
