he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
ttyl tear gas
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
