The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
