So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
