Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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