plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
