Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize