If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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