I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize