hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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