so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
