I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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