Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
