I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
