Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
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