nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
