I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize