Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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