UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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