I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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