Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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