with your own penis?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
