guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
