My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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