You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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