Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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