VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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