Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
