The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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