you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
