Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
