You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
