Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
