The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
