So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
