he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize