well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
