I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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