do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
