Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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