K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
