this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
