I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
