Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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