I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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