i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize