Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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