well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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