These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize