UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
