New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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