He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
